The family sits at the St. Nicholas day at the dinner table.

Little Fritz says: "Have you heard? Santa Claus has sent a letter to all virgins in our city."

His big sister asks: 'So? What was written in it?"

"Why," asks little Fritz, "did you not get one?"

A couple was invited to a Halloween party. However, the woman had a severe headache and told her husband that he should go alone to the party. Actually, he wanted her to come along, but in the end he decided, but to go alone.

The woman took a pain pill and went to bed.

After one hour, the woman woke up, the headache was gone. Since it was not late yet, she decided to still go to the party. Since her husband did not know her costume, she imagined that it could be funny to watch her husband without his knowledge.

Shortly after they arrived at the party, she discovered her husband on the dance floor. He never missed an opportunity to dance with women, to touch and kiss. She snaked to him and made him pretty straightforward. He immediately agreed to this. She let him have his way, because she was his wife. Finally, he whispered in her ear a clear offer. She agrees and they curled into the car and had sex with each other. Shortly before the unmasking at midnight she left, went home and provided the costume. Wrapped she waited in bed for him.

When he come home, she asked him how the party was.
He replied, "Oh, nothing special you know, when you're not there, I can not have fun anyway right."

She asked him: "Did you dance much?"
He: "No, not a single time. As I arrived, I met Peter, Thomas and some other dudes. We withdrew us into the back room and played the whole evening poker. But you will not believe what happened the guy ... I've borrowed my costume ..."

The woman is sitting at the lawyer and says shy: "I want a divorce."

"Yes, says the lawyer. And the grounds for divorce?"
"Oh, my husband is 200% impotent."

"You mean totally impotent," corrected the lawyer.
"No, I mean 200 percent."

"Yes, how do you mean that?" asks the lawyer.
"I mean that he was already totally impotent. But yesterday he tripped over the carpet and has bitten off his tongue."

A father gives money to his two sons for buying a bull for him.
The two go to town and buy the bull. However, they only need half of the money.
For the remaing, they decide to go in the whorehouse.

They say to the madam that they really want to experience something and give her the money.
They also ask, that they may take the bull to the room that it not get stolen. So it happens.

When they are gone, the madam asks the hooker how the guys have been.

The hooker answers: "The first one was really bad, the second so-so, but the guy with the Viking helmet has managed me real!"

A policewoman regulates the traffic on a crossing.

She recognizes that she gets her period. Over the radio she asks for a replacement. Finally after three hours a policeman appears for her replacement. He is completely drunk.

The policewoman hisses at him: "Tell me, why are you coming late and completely drunk?"

The colleague babbles: "Your radio message that you have gotten your period has spread very quickly at the police station to all of us. Well, first Dieter has spent a drink, then Gunther has spent a drink, afterwards ... "

Herbert said to his neighbor: "I have no luck with the women."

"Yes, I know, your first ran away from you."

"True, but what is more worse, the second stayed!"

He likes it that they do it in darkness, what very frustrating for her. One day - they are fully in action - she turn on the lights in the middle and scares - her husband has a cucumber in his hand.

She: "You have used for ten years a cucumber?"

He: "Let me explain."

She: "Why, you pig, why?"

He: "Well, where as we are just in explanations: How can you explain our two children?"

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

She: "Can you think of anything better?"

He: "Yes, but they all do not want too."

The story of the little old lady or ideas you need to have

A little old lady went into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank in New York City. She held a paper bag in her hand. She explained to the teller that she wanted to pay it into a new account, the three millions of dollars that were therein. But first she wanted to meet with the President of the Bank, probably appropriate given the huge sum at issue.

After the officer had taken a look in the bag and sighted packs of thousand-dollar bills, which could correspond to the amount of three million dollars, he called on the President in office and arranged a meeting between the president and the old lady.

The lady was accompanied up and walked into the president's office.

Short presentation, and then she said she wanted to eventually people learn only once personally know with whom they do business. The President in turn asked her how she had come to this large sum of money.

"Was it an inheritance?"
"No," she replied.

There was a minute of rest. He thought about how she could be well come to three million dollars.

"I bet," she said.
"You bet?" The president replied. "On horses?"
"No," she replied, "on people".

When she noticed his confusion, she explained that they bet on different things with people.

Suddenly she said, "I'll bet you 25 thousand dollars that your testicles will be square until tomorrow at 10 clock."

The President remembered that the woman must have a brain damage and decided to accept the bet. He would probably not have any loss in any case. The rest of the day, he was very careful. He decided to stay home in the evening and not to take any risk. Finally were 25 thousand dollars at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took a shower, he checked to see if everything was ok. He did not see any difference to previously established - it was like always. He went to work and waited for the arrival of the old lady by 10 clock. He hummed as he walked away from home. It was a great day to be like you could earn just as easily 25 thousand dollars?

At 10 the little old lady came in his office, accompanied by a young man. When the president asked, who is he, she told him that it was her lawyer and that they always take with him when it comes to large sums of money.

"So," she asked, "Now to our bet."
"I do not know how I can explain it to you, but I can not detect any changes in me," he said, "I am only rich to 25 thousand dollars."

The lady seemed to accept that, but asked for understanding that she had the check in person. The President gave this demand for attached and pulled down his pants. The lady told him to bend over, then she grabbed himself by the valuables. In fact, everything was in perfect order. The President looked up and saw that her lawyer pale with his head hit the wall.

"What's wrong with him?" The president asked.

"Oh," she said, "I bet with him for 100 thousand dollars that I would grab today at 10 clock the naked eggs of the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank".