He likes it that they do it in darkness

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 7:08 AM

He likes it that they do it in darkness, what very frustrating for her. One day - they are fully in action - she turn on the lights in the middle and scares - her husband has a cucumber in his hand.

She: "You have used for ten years a cucumber?"

He: "Let me explain."

She: "Why, you pig, why?"

He: "Well, where as we are just in explanations: How can you explain our two children?"

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Men | Relationships | Women

Two golfers on the 12th green

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 6:43 AM

Two golfers on the 12th green when a funeral procession passes. One pauses in the game and bows briefly to the hearse out.

"But that was a very noble gesture from you." His partner says appreciatively.

"Well," says the other, "if you were married at least 25 years ..."

 

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Relationships | Golf

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 6:41 AM

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

She: "Can you think of anything better?"

He: "Yes, but they all do not want too."

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Relationships | Women

A poverty-stricken husband asks his best friend ...

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 4:44 AM

A poverty-stricken husband asks his best friend, how he best can get rid of his wife.
He told: "I bought her a car. Three weeks later she drove 180 km/h into a truck and was killed instantly."

So immediately, the husband buys a car for his wife. But six months later his wife still alive.

"What kind of car did you buy for her?", the friend asks him.
"Well, so a small Japanese", tells of the afflicted husband.

"Sure, it's not working", the friend judged.
"Buy for her a Jaguar."

One week the two look back. The (formerly) afflicted husband is pleased as punch.

"You look like it would work", says the friend.
"And how!", tells the new widower.

"A paw blow as my wife opened the garage, and she was dead..."

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Men | Relationships | Women

Son: "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa ...

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 4:34 AM

Son: "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa the men do not know until the day of their wedding their wives?"

Father: "My son, it is true but that happens in all countries."

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Relationships | Women

A sixteen year old boy comes into a pharmacy

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 3:54 AM

A sixteen year old boy comes into a pharmacy and says shyly that he would meet in the evening with a beautiful girl and now need something.

The pharmacist nods sympathetically: "You need a condom?"
"Yes. And besides, there's the mother of the girl, which is also very pretty and well ..."
"Do you need maybe a second?"
"Hmm, yes."
"You're right, my boy, Safety Counts."

In the evening, when the family of the girl - eating - the boy constantly holding his arm over his face and tilts his head to the floor and honors the other not even look.
After the meal the girl says to him: "If I had known what you have for manners, I would not have invited you."
"If I knew that your father is a pharmacist, I would not have come ..."

 

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Relationships

Asks the son his father: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 2:44 AM

Asks the son his father: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the father replied: "I do not know, my son I'm still paying ..."

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Men | Relationships

A man and a woman get to know at the nightclub

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 2:16 AM

A man and a woman get to know at the nightclub, flirting with each other violently and after 1 hour everything is clear. The two go home together and there is then done violently.

Thereupon the woman says to the man: Look, I'll go briefly into the bathroom.
The woman is in the bathroom and noticed that they scored their day and think: "Shit, what do I do now"
Then says to herself: "He will not notices that, because he is too much drunk!" and goes back to the bedroom. They then moved through the night.

The next morning the man wakes up and the woman is gone. He has a heavy head and can not remember the last night. All he knows is that he has taken a woman home. He looks beside him under the duvet and sees a huge pool of blood!!!
"What the fuck did I do last night?"

He gets up and rushes to his first gun cabinet. He controls all the weapons, noting: "I did not shot her"
Then he runs into the kitchen and checked his knife block. The blades are all complete and it did not stick any blood on it. He notes: "I did not stabbed her too!"

After that he no longer knows on and goes into the bathroom first. He looks in the mirror and is in panic firmly: "I HAVE EATEN HER!!!!"

 

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Relationships

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