First God created man.

Afterwards he created woman.

When he saw what he had done, he took care of the tobacco and alcohol.

A football player goes to church and asked the priest: "Tell me, is actually played football in heaven?"
Says the priest: "Come back in a week, I'll ask after!"

A week later the footballer comes back and asks again.
Says the priest: "So, there is a good news and bad news What they want to hear first?"
The footballers: "The good one!"

The priest: "In heaven is actually played football."
The footballers: "And what is the bad news?"

The priest: "You are planned for the next home match!"

As with every human being at some point comes to an end. Once, so it comes naturally for our Pope too.
Well, the pope dies and stands before the door of heaven. Nothing happens.
Quietly, he knocks on, and noticed that the door is ajar. He opens it and finds not one.
He wonders: "No one who greets me. No welcoming committee?"

At least one plate is set, reads: "To the apartments of the pope along here."
The Pope follows the signs, enters his well-furnished room and found a plate with yogurt on the table.
"Hmm, well, bit skimpy for a welcome dinner, but what the heck," he thinks and eat it.
The next day there again yogurt. And in the evening again. And the day after.

The Pope is thinking and also throws a look out the window at the hell that you can see from above quite well. There is feast with women and wine, vegetable and meat.

"Very well," the Pope thinks, "I should get well-tested here." He awaits the things to come.

Boring dying three weeks later, only yogurt is for the Pope too monotonous. Indignant he sets out to the chef and confronts him: "The whole day only yogurt. Is there not something else available?"

God replies: "Do you really think that I'll cook for the two of us?"

The Pope traveled by car through the deserted wasteland of Canada.

Suddenly the Pope says to his driver: "Let me take the wheel."
The chauffeur: "But Holy Father ..."

But the Pope adamant: "No one sees me and the Lord is with me ..."
Happy as a child he caught behind the wheel and drives off.
Only 60 miles, then 80 miles, 100 .... - until the siren of the Highway Police sounds.

The pope stops and the police knock on the window. Even before the Pope can say a word, they run to her car and spark to the headquarters. "We have here a speeding ..."
"Yes, collect the fines ..."

"But there is an important person."
"So, even if is is a minister, collect the fines!"

"But he is much more important!"
"Yes, who is he?"

"We do not know it, but the Pope is his driver ..."

A monk and a nun ride a camel through the desert. Suddenly the animal collapses dead.

After several days of monk and nun are close to death.

The monk said: "Sister, I die soon But first I'd like to see how a naked woman looks like. Would you do me a favor?"
The nun is doing it and undresses.

Then she saíd: "Brother, it occurs to me too. I have never seen a naked man. Please do me a favor?"
The monk takes off also.

As the nun says: "What have you there between your legs?"
The Monk: "That gave me the Lord. If I put into it in you, it will created new life."

Says the nun: "Then plug into the camel and let us continue our ride ..."