A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and notes that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and leaves the bedroom. He sits at the kitchen table in front of a cup of coffee - deep in thought ... stares only against the wall.

You can observe how it runs a tear from his eyes and he takes a swig of his coffee. "What's wrong, honey? Why are you sitting at this time in the kitchen?" she asks him.

"Do you remember when we had our first date 20 years ago? You were just 16!" he asks her.
"But yes!" she replies.

"Do you remember that your father caught us when we made love on the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember well that I will never forget."

"Remember also, as he holded his to my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or you walk for the next 20 years into prison!'?"
"Oh yeah!" she says

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "You know ... today I would have been dismissed!"

Man: "I don't know why you wear a bra. You have nothing, what you could do inside."

Woman: "You're wearing panties too, or?"

A couple was invited to a Halloween party. However, the woman had a severe headache and told her husband that he should go alone to the party. Actually, he wanted her to come along, but in the end he decided, but to go alone.

The woman took a pain pill and went to bed.

After one hour, the woman woke up, the headache was gone. Since it was not late yet, she decided to still go to the party. Since her husband did not know her costume, she imagined that it could be funny to watch her husband without his knowledge.

Shortly after they arrived at the party, she discovered her husband on the dance floor. He never missed an opportunity to dance with women, to touch and kiss. She snaked to him and made him pretty straightforward. He immediately agreed to this. She let him have his way, because she was his wife. Finally, he whispered in her ear a clear offer. She agrees and they curled into the car and had sex with each other. Shortly before the unmasking at midnight she left, went home and provided the costume. Wrapped she waited in bed for him.

When he come home, she asked him how the party was.
He replied, "Oh, nothing special you know, when you're not there, I can not have fun anyway right."

She asked him: "Did you dance much?"
He: "No, not a single time. As I arrived, I met Peter, Thomas and some other dudes. We withdrew us into the back room and played the whole evening poker. But you will not believe what happened the guy ... I've borrowed my costume ..."

Man calls to home: "Honey, Honey, pack your bags, I've won the lottery."

Then the woman: "Hurrah finally holiday wherever you go?"

"Never mind the main thing you're gone when I get home"

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

She: "Can you think of anything better?"

He: "Yes, but they all do not want too."

A young woman comes to the doctor and complains of abdominal pain.

The doctor asks the woman "You undress please, so I can examine you".

After five minutes examination the doctor says: "congratulations! "You're pregnant!"
The doctor would like to fill out a form of course immediately and asks: "How is the name of your husband?"
"I'm not married..."

"All right. What is the name of your fiancée or friend?"
"I am neither engaged nor do I have a boyfriend."

The doctor is increasingly impatient. "It doesn't matter. What is the name of the father of your child?"
The woman is in turn mild surprise: "You hear. I've never been with a guy and have never consorted with a man!"

The doctor is thoughtful, turns around, rubs the hand on the chin, goes to the window and look out.

After 10 minutes the woman is getting impatient and asks: "Why you look going out the window?"

"Do know. As something like that has happened the last time, there appeared a shining star on the heaven and there came three kings. I don't want to miss that!..."

A man and a woman get to know at the nightclub, flirting with each other violently and after 1 hour everything is clear. The two go home together and there is then done violently.

Thereupon the woman says to the man: Look, I'll go briefly into the bathroom.
The woman is in the bathroom and noticed that they scored their day and think: "Shit, what do I do now"
Then says to herself: "He will not notices that, because he is too much drunk!" and goes back to the bedroom. They then moved through the night.

The next morning the man wakes up and the woman is gone. He has a heavy head and can not remember the last night. All he knows is that he has taken a woman home. He looks beside him under the duvet and sees a huge pool of blood!!!
"What the fuck did I do last night?"

He gets up and rushes to his first gun cabinet. He controls all the weapons, noting: "I did not shot her"
Then he runs into the kitchen and checked his knife block. The blades are all complete and it did not stick any blood on it. He notes: "I did not stabbed her too!"

After that he no longer knows on and goes into the bathroom first. He looks in the mirror and is in panic firmly: "I HAVE EATEN HER!!!!"

First God created man.

Afterwards he created woman.

When he saw what he had done, he took care of the tobacco and alcohol.

A woman was playing golf and hit the ball into the forest. She went into the forest to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from the net I'll grant you three wishes"

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I forgot to mention that there is a condition in fulfilling your desire. Whatever you get your husband will get it 10 times more."
The woman said, "That's okay."

She wanted for her first wish to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her: "Do not forget that your husband will be by this desire the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, the women will run in droves behind."
The woman replied: "That's okay, because I'll be the most beautiful woman in the world and he only will have eyes for me."
So it happened and she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

With her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog warned again: "In this case your husband will be the richest man in the world and he will be 10 times richer than you."
The woman replied: "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So it happened and she was the richest woman in the world.

Now the frog asked her for the her third wish. She said: "I want to have a mild heart attack"

And the moral of the story?

Women are clever beasts! - Never mess with them!