A 80-year-old man would like to sleep once again with his wife.

As he wants to get going straight, she says: "Wait, not without a condom!"

He answers puzzled: "Why, at your age you don't get more children!"

She: "But maybe salmonella from the old eggs!"

A man stands in the bedroom and is packing his suit cases.
The wife comes from grocery shopping home.

She: "What are you doing here?"
He: "I go to a tropical island, where I'll get 25 dollar for every time sex!"

The woman says: "Uhh, I like go there too, because I like to see how you can survive with 25 dollar a year!"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor.

After the check-up the doctor calls the wife alone in his room and says. "Your husband is in a terrible condition, he suffers from a very serious illness that is associated with stress. You have to follow my instructions or he will die: make him every morning a nourishing breakfast, for lunch you give him a good meal that he can take to work and in the evening you cook him a really tasty dinner. Don't annoy him with unimportant and little things. That can even make his stress worsen. Don't discuss any problems with him. Try to relax him and massage him frequently. He should watch especially much team sports on TV and most importantly, satisfy him sexually completely several times a week. If you keep you on thin instructions for the next ten months, he will get healthy again."

On the way home, her husband asks: "What did the doctor tell you?"

The woman replies: "You will die"

A man drives by car.

Suddenly, he sees a frog on the road and can slow down just in time.

The frog granted him a wish, because he has spared his life.

The man wants a bridge from Berlin to New York.

That is for the frog is too heavy, he asks the man to want anything else.

The man shows a photo of his wife to the frog and wishes that she wins a beauty contest.

Then the frog asks: "Should the bridge have two or lanes?"

Meeting of two men.

One asks the other: "How did you take the separation from your wife?"

The other responds: "Now it's okay already, but the first weeks I thought that I get mad from joy!"

"Hello, Hugo, imagine, I'll be a father."

"And why are you making such a sad face?"

"Well, I have to tell it to my wife too."

He likes it that they do it in darkness, what very frustrating for her. One day - they are fully in action - she turn on the lights in the middle and scares - her husband has a cucumber in his hand.

She: "You have used for ten years a cucumber?"

He: "Let me explain."

She: "Why, you pig, why?"

He: "Well, where as we are just in explanations: How can you explain our two children?"

A poverty-stricken husband asks his best friend, how he best can get rid of his wife.
He told: "I bought her a car. Three weeks later she drove 180 km/h into a truck and was killed instantly."

So immediately, the husband buys a car for his wife. But six months later his wife still alive.

"What kind of car did you buy for her?", the friend asks him.
"Well, so a small Japanese", tells of the afflicted husband.

"Sure, it's not working", the friend judged.
"Buy for her a Jaguar."

One week the two look back. The (formerly) afflicted husband is pleased as punch.

"You look like it would work", says the friend.
"And how!", tells the new widower.

"A paw blow as my wife opened the garage, and she was dead..."

A husband brings his pregnant wife to the hospital because it's time.

The doctor says there is a new system that allows the husband to take the pain of women in childbirth.
The spouses agree to the trial and the birth starts.

The doctor provides the scale to 10%, so that the husband takes over 10% of the pain.

The husband says he is doing well, so that the doctor revs up to 30%.

The husband still feels good, so the doctor increased to 50%.

The husband is doing well and then tells the doctor that he should be increased to 100%, which he does.

The husband still feels very good, the child is born and the woman had not really pain.

When they come with their baby home, you can find the postman dead on their doorstep.