Genesis

God created the donkey and said to him: "You are a donkey. You will constantly work from morning till night and wearing heavy things on your back. You will eat grass and be a little intelligent. You will live 50 years."
The donkey replied: "To live 50 years is much too much, give me please not more than 30 years."
And so it was.

Then God created the dog and said to him: "You're a dog. You wake on the goods of humanity, whose truly friend you will be. You will eat, what the humans are leaving for you and you'll live for 25 years."
The dog replied: "God, for living this way are 25 years is too much. Please not more than ten years."
And so it was.

Then God created the monkey and said: "You're a monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree and you act like an idiot. You're supposed to be funny, and you're supposed to live for 20 years."
The monkey said: "God, 20 years as a clown of the world to live, is too much. Please give me not more than ten years."
And so it was.

Finally, God created the man and said to him: "You're a man, the only rational creature, which will inhabit the Earth. You'll use your intelligence to make friends with the other creatures. You will dominate the Earth and live for 20 years."
The man said: "God, be Man for only 20 years is not enough. Please give me the 20 years that beaten out from the donkey, the 15 from the and the ten from the monkey."

And so, God made sure that the man lives 20 years as a man lives, marry and works for 20 years as a donkey from morning till night, and carries heavy loads. Then he will have children and live for 15 years as a dog, guarding the House and eat, which leaves the family. Then, in his old age, he lives ten years as a monkey, behaves like an idiot and amuses his grandchildren.
And so it is...

A man stands in the bedroom and is packing his suit cases.
The wife comes from grocery shopping home.

She: "What are you doing here?"
He: "I go to a tropical island, where I'll get 25 dollar for every time sex!"

The woman says: "Uhh, I like go there too, because I like to see how you can survive with 25 dollar a year!"

Man: "I don't know why you wear a bra. You have nothing, what you could do inside."

Woman: "You're wearing panties too, or?"

A camel rider rides sweaty in the desert.

Suddenly he gets overtaken by an insanely quick flash.
Grade yet, he can see that it's been a cyclist.

Later at a bar, he meets the cyclists and asks him how he can go so fast.

He replies: "I'm going as fast as I can, then the wind comes towards me, which cools me down and this way I can continue so on."

The camel rider thinks to himself: "Cool, that I must try also."

Then he takes his camel, riding as fast as he can and all of a sudden his camel falls down dead.

He then: "Oops, I think now my camel got frozen!"

A man is sitting in a bar and has a glass standing in front of him.

A friend comes in, takes the glass without asking and tilts the contents down.

Since incensed the first: "What is this really? What have I done? I have now really a totally shitty day behind me. At work, I'm kicked out, on the way home I've built an accident, total damage. I have catched my wife with my best friend in bed, my son has raided a bank and has been caught and my daughter is pregnant and do not know by whom. And then you come along and drink my poison ..."

Herbert said to his neighbor: "I have no luck with the women."

"Yes, I know, your first ran away from you."

"True, but what is more worse, the second stayed!"

Man calls to home: "Honey, Honey, pack your bags, I've won the lottery."

Then the woman: "Hurrah finally holiday wherever you go?"

"Never mind the main thing you're gone when I get home"

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

She: "Can you think of anything better?"

He: "Yes, but they all do not want too."

What did God say after he created the man?

I can do it better.

A man and a woman get to know at the nightclub, flirting with each other violently and after 1 hour everything is clear. The two go home together and there is then done violently.

Thereupon the woman says to the man: Look, I'll go briefly into the bathroom.
The woman is in the bathroom and noticed that they scored their day and think: "Shit, what do I do now"
Then says to herself: "He will not notices that, because he is too much drunk!" and goes back to the bedroom. They then moved through the night.

The next morning the man wakes up and the woman is gone. He has a heavy head and can not remember the last night. All he knows is that he has taken a woman home. He looks beside him under the duvet and sees a huge pool of blood!!!
"What the fuck did I do last night?"

He gets up and rushes to his first gun cabinet. He controls all the weapons, noting: "I did not shot her"
Then he runs into the kitchen and checked his knife block. The blades are all complete and it did not stick any blood on it. He notes: "I did not stabbed her too!"

After that he no longer knows on and goes into the bathroom first. He looks in the mirror and is in panic firmly: "I HAVE EATEN HER!!!!"