by Rudolf Faix
Tuesday, November 3, 2015 5:00 AM
A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and notes that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and leaves the bedroom. He sits at the kitchen table in front of a cup of coffee - deep in thought ... stares only against the wall.
You can observe how it runs a tear from his eyes and he takes a swig of his coffee. "What's wrong, honey? Why are you sitting at this time in the kitchen?" she asks him.
"Do you remember when we had our first date 20 years ago? You were just 16!" he asks her.
"But yes!" she replies.
"Do you remember that your father caught us when we made love on the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember well that I will never forget."
"Remember also, as he holded his to my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or you walk for the next 20 years into prison!'?"
"Oh yeah!" she says
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "You know ... today I would have been dismissed!"
by Rudolf Faix
Saturday, October 31, 2015 9:00 AM
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor.
After the check-up the doctor calls the wife alone in his room and says. "Your husband is in a terrible condition, he suffers from a very serious illness that is associated with stress. You have to follow my instructions or he will die: make him every morning a nourishing breakfast, for lunch you give him a good meal that he can take to work and in the evening you cook him a really tasty dinner. Don't annoy him with unimportant and little things. That can even make his stress worsen. Don't discuss any problems with him. Try to relax him and massage him frequently. He should watch especially much team sports on TV and most importantly, satisfy him sexually completely several times a week. If you keep you on thin instructions for the next ten months, he will get healthy again."
On the way home, her husband asks: "What did the doctor tell you?"
The woman replies: "You will die"
by Rudolf Faix
Saturday, October 31, 2015 7:04 AM
An old couple gets asked by a reporter: "You are now 60 years married. How is it that they had a so harmonious marriage all these years?"
The husband takes his wife delicate hand and says gently: "It started everything on our honeymoon! We were on the road with mules to the Niagara Falls, as the animal of my wife stumbled! At the last second, my wife managed it to keep herself without plunging into the abyss on the animal and she mumbled only 'one'. A few kilometers later the animal fell a second time, my wife could prevent in the last second the fall in the depth and muttered only 'two'. It came as it should come, the animal fell a third time. Again my wife could only try utmost prevent the fall in the depth. This time she said 'three', rose from her Mule, pulled a 45 Magnum out of her backpack and shot the animal! As I was doing my displeasure and my objection about her behavior towards the animal my wife just looked at me and muttered 'one' ..."
by Rudolf Faix
Tuesday, October 27, 2015 12:12 PM
The judge to the husband: "Your wife forgives and wants to try it again with you."
The man sighs and says: "Well, I accept the penalty."
by Rudolf Faix
Monday, October 26, 2015 7:08 AM
He likes it that they do it in darkness, what very frustrating for her. One day - they are fully in action - she turn on the lights in the middle and scares - her husband has a cucumber in his hand.
She: "You have used for ten years a cucumber?"
He: "Let me explain."
She: "Why, you pig, why?"
He: "Well, where as we are just in explanations: How can you explain our two children?"
by Rudolf Faix
Monday, October 26, 2015 4:44 AM
A poverty-stricken husband asks his best friend, how he best can get rid of his wife.
He told: "I bought her a car. Three weeks later she drove 180 km/h into a truck and was killed instantly."
So immediately, the husband buys a car for his wife. But six months later his wife still alive.
"What kind of car did you buy for her?", the friend asks him.
"Well, so a small Japanese", tells of the afflicted husband.
"Sure, it's not working", the friend judged.
"Buy for her a Jaguar."
One week the two look back. The (formerly) afflicted husband is pleased as punch.
"You look like it would work", says the friend.
"And how!", tells the new widower.
"A paw blow as my wife opened the garage, and she was dead..."
by Rudolf Faix
Monday, October 26, 2015 4:07 AM
A husband brings his pregnant wife to the hospital because it's time.
The doctor says there is a new system that allows the husband to take the pain of women in childbirth.
The spouses agree to the trial and the birth starts.
The doctor provides the scale to 10%, so that the husband takes over 10% of the pain.
The husband says he is doing well, so that the doctor revs up to 30%.
The husband still feels good, so the doctor increased to 50%.
The husband is doing well and then tells the doctor that he should be increased to 100%, which he does.
The husband still feels very good, the child is born and the woman had not really pain.
When they come with their baby home, you can find the postman dead on their doorstep.
by Rudolf Faix
Sunday, October 25, 2015 1:47 PM
Says a blonde: "I have to be extremely careful that I don't get pregnant!"
The other one: "Why? Your husband got just sterilized."
The first one: "That's the reason".