Genesis

God created the donkey and said to him: "You are a donkey. You will constantly work from morning till night and wearing heavy things on your back. You will eat grass and be a little intelligent. You will live 50 years."
The donkey replied: "To live 50 years is much too much, give me please not more than 30 years."
And so it was.

Then God created the dog and said to him: "You're a dog. You wake on the goods of humanity, whose truly friend you will be. You will eat, what the humans are leaving for you and you'll live for 25 years."
The dog replied: "God, for living this way are 25 years is too much. Please not more than ten years."
And so it was.

Then God created the monkey and said: "You're a monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree and you act like an idiot. You're supposed to be funny, and you're supposed to live for 20 years."
The monkey said: "God, 20 years as a clown of the world to live, is too much. Please give me not more than ten years."
And so it was.

Finally, God created the man and said to him: "You're a man, the only rational creature, which will inhabit the Earth. You'll use your intelligence to make friends with the other creatures. You will dominate the Earth and live for 20 years."
The man said: "God, be Man for only 20 years is not enough. Please give me the 20 years that beaten out from the donkey, the 15 from the and the ten from the monkey."

And so, God made sure that the man lives 20 years as a man lives, marry and works for 20 years as a donkey from morning till night, and carries heavy loads. Then he will have children and live for 15 years as a dog, guarding the House and eat, which leaves the family. Then, in his old age, he lives ten years as a monkey, behaves like an idiot and amuses his grandchildren.
And so it is...

A priest went to a colleague and said: "I have sinned and I want to confess to you"

The priest-colleague was taken aback, but then says: "Yes, I'll do it, tell."

"I have a young widow called upon to comfort her. She suddenly wanted sex from me, but I refused. Then she retired and wanted to seduce me with their nakedness. But I remained steadfast and left the house. I have now a guilty conscience, because I've seen her naked. I should leave the house before! "

The colleague said, shaking his head: "For these sins I have to punish you. You have to drink 20 liters of water."

The repentant sinners asked why he should drink as much water, go it not less.

"No," said the priest-colleague, "This is the daily ration of a donkey ...."