Just four weeks is the young couple married as Cornelia calls her mother and sobs. "We had our first quarrel"

"Just calm down child it happens from time to time in every marriage."

"Yes, but I do not know what to do with the corpse."

A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and notes that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and leaves the bedroom. He sits at the kitchen table in front of a cup of coffee - deep in thought ... stares only against the wall.

You can observe how it runs a tear from his eyes and he takes a swig of his coffee. "What's wrong, honey? Why are you sitting at this time in the kitchen?" she asks him.

"Do you remember when we had our first date 20 years ago? You were just 16!" he asks her.
"But yes!" she replies.

"Do you remember that your father caught us when we made love on the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember well that I will never forget."

"Remember also, as he holded his to my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or you walk for the next 20 years into prison!'?"
"Oh yeah!" she says

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "You know ... today I would have been dismissed!"

A couple was invited to a Halloween party. However, the woman had a severe headache and told her husband that he should go alone to the party. Actually, he wanted her to come along, but in the end he decided, but to go alone.

The woman took a pain pill and went to bed.

After one hour, the woman woke up, the headache was gone. Since it was not late yet, she decided to still go to the party. Since her husband did not know her costume, she imagined that it could be funny to watch her husband without his knowledge.

Shortly after they arrived at the party, she discovered her husband on the dance floor. He never missed an opportunity to dance with women, to touch and kiss. She snaked to him and made him pretty straightforward. He immediately agreed to this. She let him have his way, because she was his wife. Finally, he whispered in her ear a clear offer. She agrees and they curled into the car and had sex with each other. Shortly before the unmasking at midnight she left, went home and provided the costume. Wrapped she waited in bed for him.

When he come home, she asked him how the party was.
He replied, "Oh, nothing special you know, when you're not there, I can not have fun anyway right."

She asked him: "Did you dance much?"
He: "No, not a single time. As I arrived, I met Peter, Thomas and some other dudes. We withdrew us into the back room and played the whole evening poker. But you will not believe what happened the guy ... I've borrowed my costume ..."

A couple in the evening in the living room. He reads the newspaper.

She: "Dear, our faucet in the kitchen is dripping, can you take a look at it?"
He: "I'm not a plumber!"

The next evening, the couple is back in the living room, he reads his newspaper as usual.

She: "Dear ... look at the ceiling, the plaster is crumbling, can you fix it?"
He: "I'm not a plasterer!"

The next day is it for the wife too colorful.

She calls her friend and tells him the problems.

He immediately comes and repaired the faucet and the ceiling.

In the evening when the husband reads the newspaper again, the wife says proudly: "Dear take a look, the faucet does not drip any more and from the ceiling is no more crumbling plaster."

He: "Who has made the repairs? It has surely cost a lot of money ..?"
She: "No, no, that got repaired by an acquaintance. He wanted as payment either that I bake him a cake or have sex with him ..."

He: "Yes, and you have baked him a cake?"
She: "I'm not a baker ..."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor.

After the check-up the doctor calls the wife alone in his room and says. "Your husband is in a terrible condition, he suffers from a very serious illness that is associated with stress. You have to follow my instructions or he will die: make him every morning a nourishing breakfast, for lunch you give him a good meal that he can take to work and in the evening you cook him a really tasty dinner. Don't annoy him with unimportant and little things. That can even make his stress worsen. Don't discuss any problems with him. Try to relax him and massage him frequently. He should watch especially much team sports on TV and most importantly, satisfy him sexually completely several times a week. If you keep you on thin instructions for the next ten months, he will get healthy again."

On the way home, her husband asks: "What did the doctor tell you?"

The woman replies: "You will die"

An old couple gets asked by a reporter: "You are now 60 years married. How is it that they had a so harmonious marriage all these years?"

The husband takes his wife delicate hand and says gently: "It started everything on our honeymoon! We were on the road with mules to the Niagara Falls, as the animal of my wife stumbled! At the last second, my wife managed it to keep herself without plunging into the abyss on the animal and she mumbled only 'one'. A few kilometers later the animal fell a second time, my wife could prevent in the last second the fall in the depth and muttered only 'two'. It came as it should come, the animal fell a third time. Again my wife could only try utmost prevent the fall in the depth. This time she said 'three', rose from her Mule, pulled a 45 Magnum out of her backpack and shot the animal! As I was doing my displeasure and my objection about her behavior towards the animal my wife just looked at me and muttered 'one' ..."

An inmate of the cell, busted for murder, is after 25 years in prison on the run. While he flees, he breaks into the house of a fresh married couple. It binds the husband on the solid chair and the woman on the bed. Then he bent over the woman and it seemed as if he would kiss her neck.

Suddenly, the jailbreaker got up and left the room. Immediately hopped the husband with the chair across the room and whispered to his wife: "Darling! This man hasn't seen a woman since years! I saw how he kissed you in the neck. Just do anything he says. If he wants to have sex with you, then let it happen to you and pretend as if you like it. Whatever you do, don't take him to rage! Our lives depend on it! Be strong! I love you!"

Nachdem die Frau ihren Knebel ausgespuckt hat, flüsterte die Halbnackte: "Schatz, ich bin so froh, dass du so darüber denkst. Du hast recht, er hat seit Jahren keine Frau gesehen. Aber er hat nicht meinen Nacken geküsst, er hat mir ins Ohr geflüstert. Er meint, dass du ziemlich niedlich wärst und er hat mich gefragt, wo ich die Vaseline im Bad aufbewahren würde. Sei stark! Ich liebe dich auch!"

After the woman spat out her gag, she whispered: "Honey, I'm so glad that you think about it. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman since years. But he did not kiss my neck, he whispered in my ear. He thinks you're pretty cute and he asked me where I would keep in the bathroom Vaseline. Be strong! I love you too!"

A couple is playing golf. To their horror, a straight severed golf ball is flying through a window, which shatters into many small fragments. The couple, conscious of guilt, goes immediately to communicate to the owner of the house.

Both shout, but nobody answers. They walk into the room where the broken window and see a broken vase next to a man with a turban on his head.

"Are you the owner of the house?" asks the husband.
"No, I was locked up in 1000 years of this vase, but someone has shot this golf ball through the window, it knocked over the vase and now I am free!", the genie answered.

The husband, not stupid, and asks the same: "Oh, you're a genie!"
"Correct. I fulfill you 2 wishes. Because I am so stingy, I keep the third for me."

Okay, the husband thinks and says the same: "Super So, I want an annual income of US$ 1,000,000, tax-free!"
"Is taken. Your second wish?"

"Och ... always good food!"
"This is also done. Now my desire. I have not seen a female for 1000 years, let alone touched, let me go to bed with your wife."

The couple agrees and a few minutes later the wife and the genie are strong there, while the husband again dedicates his golf game.

"How old is your husband?" asks the Spirit.
The woman replies: "31"

"And he still believes in genies?"