A 80-year-old man would like to sleep once again with his wife.

As he wants to get going straight, she says: "Wait, not without a condom!"

He answers puzzled: "Why, at your age you don't get more children!"

She: "But maybe salmonella from the old eggs!"

After my fiancee and I know each other for a year, we decided to get married next month.

The mother of my fiancée, my future mother-in-law is awesome (and also super sexy).

She took care to everything: ceremony, church, dinner, flowers, photographer etc.

Last night she called me. I should come with her to once again go through the list of guests, and to remove a few names of people in my family, since we have invited too many people.

I went there then, and we went through the list. Finally, we have agreed on 150 guests. At one time I was stunned when she said to me, I was a very attractive man. In a month I would be married and would then no longer be possible, so wish it is nothing anderesals with me to sleep now. She stood up and went to full of sensuality on the bedroom. She me whispered to another, I knew very well where the front door was, if I wanted to go. I stopped pinned down for almost 3 minutes. And then I knew which way I would go.

I ran to the front door, went out and found my future father in law smiling standing at my car. I think he said something like: "We wanted to test you to be sure that our beloved daughter marries a venerable and honest man. I would have passed this test."

He kissed me without that I could say a word, and congratulated me.

PS: Luckily, I had my condoms in the car and not in the pocket.

The small Renate comes into the crowded drugstore, stops at the door and calls out: "Please three dozen condoms in different sizes"

Everything is rigid.

The druggist begins fastest: "First," he says, "don't scream so loud, secondly this is nothing for little kids and thirdly you can send your father to me father.."

But Renate is not to discourage: "First," she returns, "I have learned in school that one should speak clear and loud. Secondly this is nothing FOR little kids, it is AGAINST little kids and thirdly dad has nothing to do with it These are for Mummy, she goes tomorrow for three weeks to Mallorca!"

A sixteen year old boy comes into a pharmacy and says shyly that he would meet in the evening with a beautiful girl and now need something.

The pharmacist nods sympathetically: "You need a condom?"
"Yes. And besides, there's the mother of the girl, which is also very pretty and well ..."
"Do you need maybe a second?"
"Hmm, yes."
"You're right, my boy, Safety Counts."

In the evening, when the family of the girl - eating - the boy constantly holding his arm over his face and tilts his head to the floor and honors the other not even look.
After the meal the girl says to him: "If I had known what you have for manners, I would not have invited you."
"If I knew that your father is a pharmacist, I would not have come ..."

In the hall of the chief squatting three secretaries.

Says one: "Yesterday I found in the desk of the boss a condom."

Says the second: "And I got stung purely a hole."

Says the Third: "I think I feel sick ..."