A blonde burned her both ears.

"How did that happen?", the doctor who rushed to the scene wants to know.

"Well, I was just while ironing, the phone rang, and then I lifted the iron to the ear by a mistake."

Then the doctor: "Yes, but how has it happened that the other one also burned?"

The blonde replies, "Well, that's happened to me when I wanted to call you!"

The Scottish national team has won a game.

The coach comes into the cabin and says: "Guys, you were great. You've honestly earned a refreshment. Come on, John, open the window!"

A luxury cruise ship crashed, but the rescue boats are not enough. Everyone gets a life jacket and needs to jump, but no one dares.

The crew is desperate. Finally, the captain is called. He goes to the group that scary standing at the railing and is talking to them. One after another jumps into the water.
When all the passengers are disembarked, the first officer asks the Captain, how he has been able to persuade the people?

"Well quite simply" thinks of.

"For the Germans I said, it is a command. To the French, it would be patriotic. The Japanese I promised that jumping would be good for the potency. And to the Italians I said, to jump is strictly prohibited."

Tourist guiding in Bern: an American constantly nag that in his home country everything is higher, wider, longer and more beautiful.

"The Empire State Building was built in three weeks", he prides himself and finally, points to the Berner Muenster, and asks: "How long has been the construction here?"

The guide listened too long, but now he bursts the collar. "Yikes", he disintegrates astonished eyes, "that wasn't there yesterday!"

A Scotsman comes from the pub, completely drunk. On the way home, he falls into the ditch and falls immediately asleep.

The next morning, two tourists come by and want to solve the mystery of the kilts. They like what they get to see and therefore they fix a pink bow tie on it.

As the Scotsman arrives then finally back and undresses his wife gets indignant at the sight of the bow tie. "DARLING, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" cries his wife.

He looks down on itself and says "I don't know, but I think I won first price."

Soccer match in a Scottish village. For the site selection, the referee throws a coin into the air.

The result: 2000 injured...

In the express train, the conductor catches a Scotsman without a ticket.

After a heated exchange of words, the officials loses his patience, pack the suit case of the traveler and roars: "If you are not pay immediately, I'll throw your suitcase out from the train window!"

The Scotsman screams and is tearing his hairs: "First you want to make me poor and now you like to kill my only son?"

Why do Polish newborns get two instead of one slap on the butt?

The one in order that they start breathing and the other one that they release the wrist watch of the midwife! ...

David Copperfield had to cancel his tour of Poland, because he could not even sell tickets in half!

Reason: Well, the Poland are just accustomed that things disappear ...

A man wants to put money in a bank in Zurich.

"How much they want to pay up for?", asks the bank employee.

Whispers the man: "Three million."

"You can talk quietly louder", says the bank employee, "in Switzerland is poverty no shame ..."