Der liebe Gott erschuf den Mann...

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 1:56 AM

First God created man.

Afterwards he created woman.

When he saw what he had done, he took care of the tobacco and alcohol.

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Church | Women

Two maniacs want to break out of the institution

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 1:36 AM

Two maniacs want to break out of the institution. But for this you have to climb over 100 walls. So they start.

After 56 wall one asks the other: "Hey, buddy, you can not?"
The other one replied: "I think it will work!"

After 99 walls he asks again: "Well, buddy, you pack it yet?"

Says the puffing like a locomotive: "Now --- my --- power --- is --- over!"

Says the first: "Okay, let's return ..."

 

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Maniacs

The teacher to Peterchen: "Peter, which one of you stole from my apple tree apples yesterday?"

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 1:28 AM

The teacher to Peterchen: "Peter, which one of you stole from my apple tree apples yesterday?"

Peter: "Teacher, I can not understand anything in the last row here."

"We want to see it," the teacher says. "Come immediately to the front and sit down at my place. And then you ask me a question."

They change places.

Since Peter asks: "Teacher, who has slept with my sister yesterday?"

Replies the teacher: "Peter, you're right here behind you really does not understand ..."

 

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School / University

A football player goes to church ...

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 1:23 AM

A football player goes to church and asked the priest: "Tell me, is actually played football in heaven?"
Says the priest: "Come back in a week, I'll ask after!"

A week later the footballer comes back and asks again.
Says the priest: "So, there is a good news and bad news What they want to hear first?"
The footballers: "The good one!"

The priest: "In heaven is actually played football."
The footballers: "And what is the bad news?"

The priest: "You are planned for the next home match!"

 

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Church | Soccer

Two three-year boys are playing in the sandbox

by Rudolf Faix Sunday, October 25, 2015 4:46 PM

Two three-year boys are playing in the sandbox. Suddenly one kicks his legs crosswise and looks as if he needs every moment to pee.

His playmate noticed that and asks: "What is with you?"
"I need to pee!"

"Then let it go, we have Pampers."
"Yes, but my mom said she will cut off my tail when I'm doing it again into the pants."

The other thinks for a moment and then said: "Yesterday I watched my older sister while showering. When this is done well, it looks not so bad!"

 

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Kids

As with every human being at some point comes to an end

by Rudolf Faix Sunday, October 25, 2015 4:38 PM

As with every human being at some point comes to an end. Once, so it comes naturally for our Pope too.
Well, the pope dies and stands before the door of heaven. Nothing happens.
Quietly, he knocks on, and noticed that the door is ajar. He opens it and finds not one.
He wonders: "No one who greets me. No welcoming committee?"

At least one plate is set, reads: "To the apartments of the pope along here."
The Pope follows the signs, enters his well-furnished room and found a plate with yogurt on the table.
"Hmm, well, bit skimpy for a welcome dinner, but what the heck," he thinks and eat it.
The next day there again yogurt. And in the evening again. And the day after.

The Pope is thinking and also throws a look out the window at the hell that you can see from above quite well. There is feast with women and wine, vegetable and meat.

"Very well," the Pope thinks, "I should get well-tested here." He awaits the things to come.

Boring dying three weeks later, only yogurt is for the Pope too monotonous. Indignant he sets out to the chef and confronts him: "The whole day only yogurt. Is there not something else available?"

God replies: "Do you really think that I'll cook for the two of us?"

 

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Church

The Pope traveled by car through the deserted wasteland of Canada

by Rudolf Faix Sunday, October 25, 2015 4:06 PM

The Pope traveled by car through the deserted wasteland of Canada.

Suddenly the Pope says to his driver: "Let me take the wheel."
The chauffeur: "But Holy Father ..."

But the Pope adamant: "No one sees me and the Lord is with me ..."
Happy as a child he caught behind the wheel and drives off.
Only 60 miles, then 80 miles, 100 .... - until the siren of the Highway Police sounds.

The pope stops and the police knock on the window. Even before the Pope can say a word, they run to her car and spark to the headquarters. "We have here a speeding ..."
"Yes, collect the fines ..."

"But there is an important person."
"So, even if is is a minister, collect the fines!"

"But he is much more important!"
"Yes, who is he?"

"We do not know it, but the Pope is his driver ..."

 

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Church | Police

A man makes a walk at a California beach and stumbles across an old lamp

by Rudolf Faix Sunday, October 25, 2015 3:21 PM

A man makes a walk at a California beach and stumbles across an old lamp. He picks it up and rubs against her. A genie comes out and said: "Hello Stranger, you have a free wish."

The man thought for a while and said afterwards: "I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I have a fear of flying and I'll get quickly seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can go?"

Laughed the genie and said, "That's impossible Think about it at the expenses. How could the bridge piers get built up on the ground of the Pacific? Think also about the quantities of steel and concrete. Maybe you'll have another wish?"

The man thought again after, and said finally: "OK, I've never understood the women. I never knew why they laugh, never knew why they cry, never knew what they want when they say something, never knew what they want when they talk, never know what can make them really happy. My wish is therefore to be able to understand women."

The genie looked for about one minute with big eyes at the man and replied: "Say, do you want two or four lanes on the bridge?"

 

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Women

A couple is playing golf

by Rudolf Faix Sunday, October 25, 2015 2:46 PM

A couple is playing golf. To their horror, a straight severed golf ball is flying through a window, which shatters into many small fragments. The couple, conscious of guilt, goes immediately to communicate to the owner of the house.

Both shout, but nobody answers. They walk into the room where the broken window and see a broken vase next to a man with a turban on his head.

"Are you the owner of the house?" asks the husband.
"No, I was locked up in 1000 years of this vase, but someone has shot this golf ball through the window, it knocked over the vase and now I am free!", the genie answered.

The husband, not stupid, and asks the same: "Oh, you're a genie!"
"Correct. I fulfill you 2 wishes. Because I am so stingy, I keep the third for me."

Okay, the husband thinks and says the same: "Super So, I want an annual income of US$ 1,000,000, tax-free!"
"Is taken. Your second wish?"

"Och ... always good food!"
"This is also done. Now my desire. I have not seen a female for 1000 years, let alone touched, let me go to bed with your wife."

The couple agrees and a few minutes later the wife and the genie are strong there, while the husband again dedicates his golf game.

"How old is your husband?" asks the Spirit.
The woman replies: "31"

"And he still believes in genies?"

 

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Men | Women | Golf

Says a blonde: "I have to be extremely careful that I don't get pregnant!"

by Rudolf Faix Sunday, October 25, 2015 1:47 PM

Says a blonde: "I have to be extremely careful that I don't get pregnant!"

The other one: "Why? Your husband got just sterilized."

The first one: "That's the reason".

 

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Blondes

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