Eva yells Adam: "You always disagrees with me!"

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 7:12 AM

Eva yells Adam: "You always disagrees with me!"

Adam: "Luckily, otherwise we would be both wrong."

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Relationships

He likes it that they do it in darkness

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 7:08 AM

He likes it that they do it in darkness, what very frustrating for her. One day - they are fully in action - she turn on the lights in the middle and scares - her husband has a cucumber in his hand.

She: "You have used for ten years a cucumber?"

He: "Let me explain."

She: "Why, you pig, why?"

He: "Well, where as we are just in explanations: How can you explain our two children?"

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Men | Relationships | Women

Two golfers on the 12th green

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 6:43 AM

Two golfers on the 12th green when a funeral procession passes. One pauses in the game and bows briefly to the hearse out.

"But that was a very noble gesture from you." His partner says appreciatively.

"Well," says the other, "if you were married at least 25 years ..."

 

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Relationships | Golf

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 6:41 AM

He: "Do you like to be my wife?"

She: "Can you think of anything better?"

He: "Yes, but they all do not want too."

 

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Battle of the Sexes | Relationships | Women

The story of the little old lady

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 6:35 AM

The story of the little old lady or ideas you need to have

A little old lady went into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank in New York City. She held a paper bag in her hand. She explained to the teller that she wanted to pay it into a new account, the three millions of dollars that were therein. But first she wanted to meet with the President of the Bank, probably appropriate given the huge sum at issue.

After the officer had taken a look in the bag and sighted packs of thousand-dollar bills, which could correspond to the amount of three million dollars, he called on the President in office and arranged a meeting between the president and the old lady.

The lady was accompanied up and walked into the president's office.

Short presentation, and then she said she wanted to eventually people learn only once personally know with whom they do business. The President in turn asked her how she had come to this large sum of money.

"Was it an inheritance?"
"No," she replied.

There was a minute of rest. He thought about how she could be well come to three million dollars.

"I bet," she said.
"You bet?" The president replied. "On horses?"
"No," she replied, "on people".

When she noticed his confusion, she explained that they bet on different things with people.

Suddenly she said, "I'll bet you 25 thousand dollars that your testicles will be square until tomorrow at 10 clock."

The President remembered that the woman must have a brain damage and decided to accept the bet. He would probably not have any loss in any case. The rest of the day, he was very careful. He decided to stay home in the evening and not to take any risk. Finally were 25 thousand dollars at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took a shower, he checked to see if everything was ok. He did not see any difference to previously established - it was like always. He went to work and waited for the arrival of the old lady by 10 clock. He hummed as he walked away from home. It was a great day to be like you could earn just as easily 25 thousand dollars?

At 10 the little old lady came in his office, accompanied by a young man. When the president asked, who is he, she told him that it was her lawyer and that they always take with him when it comes to large sums of money.

"So," she asked, "Now to our bet."
"I do not know how I can explain it to you, but I can not detect any changes in me," he said, "I am only rich to 25 thousand dollars."

The lady seemed to accept that, but asked for understanding that she had the check in person. The President gave this demand for attached and pulled down his pants. The lady told him to bend over, then she grabbed himself by the valuables. In fact, everything was in perfect order. The President looked up and saw that her lawyer pale with his head hit the wall.

"What's wrong with him?" The president asked.

"Oh," she said, "I bet with him for 100 thousand dollars that I would grab today at 10 clock the naked eggs of the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank".

 

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Money | Women

An elderly lady comes to the doctor

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 6:07 AM

An elderly lady comes to the doctor: "Doctor, I have this flatulence, although not so much bother me you never stink and they always go off quietly Really, I had probably already twenty flatulence, since I'm in the room here.. even though you might not notice, because this happens with no odor or noise. "

The Doctor: "Take these pills and come back in a week!"

After a week, the patient appears again and says: "Doctor, what the hell you gave me there, my bloating - although they are still silent - they stink horribly"

Doctor: "Very good! Now that your nose is working again, we want to take care of your hearing."

 

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Doctors

Dealing with Time - the story of the French Professor

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 5:54 AM

Dealing with Time - the story of the French Professor

One day, an old professor of the French National School of Administration was asked to give a lecture on sensible schedule for a group of about 15 heads of large North American companies. This course was one of five stations of their one-day course. The professor therefore had to convey only an hour his knowledge. First, the professor looked unhurriedly one after another of these elite troops, they were prepared everything the expert wanted to teach them diligently to record.
Then announced the Professor: We will conduct a little experiment.

He drew a large glass pitcher from under his desk and placed it carefully in front of him. Then he took out about a dozen pebbles, about the size of tennis balls, and laid them carefully one by one in the large jar. When the pitcher was full to the brim and no other pebble longer had in place, he looked up slowly and asked his students: "Is the jar full?"
And all answered: "YES!"

He waited a few seconds and asked his students: "Really?"
Then he disappeared again under the table and pulled out a container filled with gravel cup out. He carefully spread the gravel over the large pebbles and then stirred it slightly. The gravel was spread between the large pebbles to the bottom of the pitcher.
The professor looked at again and asked his audience: "Is this jar full?"

This time his clever students began to understand his or her performance.
One of them replied: "Probably not."
"Good.", Replied the professor. He disappeared under his desk and this time he got a bucket of sand produced. He carefully poured the sand into the jar. The sand filled the spaces between the large pebbles and gravel.
Again he asked, "Is the jar full now?"

This time his students responded without hesitation in chorus: "No!"
Good, said the professor. And as if his wonderful students serviced it, he took the water jug, which was under his desk, and filled the jug to the brim.
Then he looked up and asked: "What can we learn from this important experiment?"

The boldest among his disciples - not stupid - thought about the topic of the lecture and answered: "From this we learn that even if we think that our schedule already to the brim is full, if we really want it, still an appointment or may push other things. "

"No," replied the professor, "it's not about what we can really learn from this experiment is as follows: ... If you are not the first places the large pebbles into the jar, they will later never fit at all."

There was a moment of silence. Each was aware of how much the professor was right. Then he asked: "What are in your life, the large pebbles: your health, your family, your friends, the realization of your dreams, do what makes you fun, to learn, to defend one thing, relax, take your time or something another.

Is really important that you set the large pebbles in his life in the first place. If not, you run the risk not to master, your life. When you first of all take care of little things, the gravel, the sand, you spend your life with little things and does not have enough time for the important things. Therefore, do not forget to ask yourself the question - What are the big pebbles in my life? Then these places first in the jar."

With a friendly nod goodbye the old professor of his audience and slowly left the room.

 

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Wisdoms

The US Postal Service has recognized the merits of Bill Gates

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 5:42 AM

The US Postal Service has recognized the merits of Bill Gates. His face now adorns a stamp.

In daily use, however, showed that this stamp is not kept on the letters.

The commission of inquiry set up after a few months came to the following conclusion:

  1. The stamp is entirely correct.
  2. The adhesive is also not objectionable.
  3. The customer just spit on the wrong side ...

 

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People

The small Renate comes into the crowded drugstore ...

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 5:39 AM

The small Renate comes into the crowded drugstore, stops at the door and calls out: "Please three dozen condoms in different sizes"

Everything is rigid.

The druggist begins fastest: "First," he says, "don't scream so loud, secondly this is nothing for little kids and thirdly you can send your father to me father.."

But Renate is not to discourage: "First," she returns, "I have learned in school that one should speak clear and loud. Secondly this is nothing FOR little kids, it is AGAINST little kids and thirdly dad has nothing to do with it These are for Mummy, she goes tomorrow for three weeks to Mallorca!"

 

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Kids | Women

Two women playing golf

by Rudolf Faix Monday, October 26, 2015 5:31 AM

Two women playing golf. The one makes the tee-off - strong, fast, far - and in the middle of a group of golfers.
One of the men grabs immediately between the legs and falls over like a felled tree.
The two women to rush to help. The poor guy wallows on the ground moaning, hands still between his legs.

One kneels down and says to the injured, "I am masseuse, maybe I can help them and alleviate their suffering."

He refuses groaning.

She feels guilty for the constitution of man and pushes with gentle force his hands to side, cautiously opens his pants and begins to massage him in the genital area. His face expression shows after a short time that it's been getting better. Be her question as for his being now he replies: "Down there I feel great, but my thumb does still hurt like hell ..."

 

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Women | Golf

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