The little Fritz needs money ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 3:00 AM

The little Fritz needs money, so he has to come up with something again.

He sees Grandpa who is working at the garden. "Grandpa, you give me 5 Dollar, if I hit this earthworm like a nail in the ground?"
"Such a thing does not work. But if you can make it, I'll give you the money!"

Fritz runs and fetches hairspray, sprayed the earthworm until the worm is stiff and hits him like a nail into the soil.

Since Grandpa had no money with him, he put him off until tomorrow. The next day grandpa gives him 10 Dollar.

"But that's too much! I only get half!"

"This already fits that way. The other 5 Dollar are from grandma!"

 

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Kids

Neumann has bought a new VW sedan ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 2:59 AM

Neumann has bought a new VW sedan. His Turkish neighbor has also purchased a new Opel.
Both washing outside the house their showpieces and eyeing each other.
Neumann used as wax the very latest cry of wax seals from the hardware store.
The Turk grows his car also thoroughly.

Now Neumann wants to show it to the neighbors, it will bring a bucket of water and pours it on his new car. The water runs off like a fat sausage casing. Neumann looks the Turks triumphantly. Then the Turk goes into his garage, brings a hacksaw and sawed off a piece from the exhaust of his car.

Then he says brightly: "You are a Christian, you baptize your car, I'm Moslem, I circumcise my car.

 

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Cars

A blonde comes completely dissolved into a gas station ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 2:58 AM

A blonde comes completely dissolved into a gas station, "Please, you must help me .. I have my keys locked in the car .. what do I do now ???"

The attendant has to keep his laughing back: "Have you at least the window a little bit open?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure ..." said she.

"Well," says the attendant, "then you try it with this wire loop the release button again .."
"You are a treasure," says the blonde, and goes out with the wire loop.

Ten minutes later, another customer enters the service station and can barely keep up with laughter.
"What's going on," asked the attendant.
You never believe, "the man says: out there on a car is a blonde and tries to pull up the lock button with a wire loop ".

"Yes .. and," asks the attendant ... "That can not happen every time ..."

"Yeah .." snorts the man, "but in the car, there still sits a second blonde and says further to the right .. no .. too far to the left again ....!"

 

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Blondes | Cars

Excuse me, Mr. Policeman, ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 2:57 AM

"Excuse me, Mr. Policeman, can I cross at this intersection if the traffic light shows red?"

"Yes, but you must first lift the arms."

"How it comes?"

"So they can better take off your shirt in the hospital."

 

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Police

The young parachutists will jump for the first time from the aircraft

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 2:56 AM

The young parachutists will jump for the first time from the aircraft.

The sergant leads each individual to hatch and pushes him out. Only one is fighting tooth and nail, but in the end the sergant kicked him in the depth. One bends over with laughter.

Roars of sergant: "About such a coward you can still laugh?"

"Coward is good! That was our pilot!"

 

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Army

A settlers moved to northern Canada and prepares himself for the winter

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 2:46 AM

A settlers moved to northern Canada and prepares himself for the winter. As he is so good things at chopping wood, an Indian riding along.
"Hey Indian", the settlers asks, "how the next winter will probably be?"
"Winter are cold," replies the Indian with serious mine.

Because thinking about the settlers and thinks to himself: well, a couple more chopped logs wouldn't hurt. Up here in the north, the winters are definitely hard.

As he continues with his work the Indian come over again.
"Hey Winnetou, say it honest, how hard will be the winter?"
"Winter will be very, very hard!" tells of the Indian and moves on.

"Oh God!", thinks of the settlers with horror, "that is determined a particularly harsh winter this year".
And so he chops, he chops through the whole night like a possessed man.

As he soaked in sweat and surrounded by wood logs he still chops the next morning.
Rides the Indian again along and says with worried mine says: "It will be the hardest winter since time immemorial, Hough!"
"Damn it, red skin, how do you want to know this?", the settler screams at the end of his tether.

"Ancient Indian wisdom: If white men chops a lot wood, winter are very cold!"

 

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General

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 12:52 AM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good dinner and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for sleeping.

Hours later woke Holmes and woke his friend. "Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson looked up and replied: ". I see millions of stars"

"And what does that tell you?" asked Holmes.

Watson pondered briefly and said: "Astronomically, this means that out there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions planets Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in the zodiac sign of Leo Logically, I conclude that there is approximately a quarter past three Theologically is... this mean that God is all powerful and that we are all small and unimportant. Meteorological I suspect that good weather will be tomorrow. Why what it tells you? "

Holmes looked at him briefly and said: "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

 

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General

The office phone is ringing

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 12:47 AM

The office phone is ringing.

An employee answering and says: "Which ass dares to call me during lunch break?"
Since the caller says: "You know who you are talking to? I am Director Huber!"

Since the employee says: "You know who you are talking to?"
Director Huber says: "No"

The employee says: "In this case I've been even lucky!" and hangs up.

 

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Job / Company / Office

The woman is sitting at the lawyer ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 12:42 AM

The woman is sitting at the lawyer and says shy: "I want a divorce."

"Yes, says the lawyer. And the grounds for divorce?"
"Oh, my husband is 200% impotent."

"You mean totally impotent," corrected the lawyer.
"No, I mean 200 percent."

"Yes, how do you mean that?" asks the lawyer.
"I mean that he was already totally impotent. But yesterday he tripped over the carpet and has bitten off his tongue."

 

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Relationships | Women

Man, you're sharp ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 12:35 AM

"Man, you're sharp," she sighs wearily after a hot night.

"I bet you have every night a different one."

"But no," he fends off modestly. "I'm very picky. I just stand on women who are intelligent and with whom I can converse well. About politics, art, psychology, ballet."

"And what has impressed you to me?"

He takes a quick look and says, "Clearly, your tits"

 

 

Tags:

Men | Relationships

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