What does a blonde when she presses her hands to her ears?

by Rudolf Faix Thursday, October 29, 2015 1:00 PM

What does a blonde when she presses her hands to her ears?

She desperately trieds to hold a thought.

 

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Blondes

Two friends standing in front of a brothel

by Rudolf Faix Thursday, October 29, 2015 11:00 AM

Two friends standing in front of a brothel.

"Now I want to try it out!", says one, disappears into the brothel and comes after half an hour back.

"Nah," he says, "my wife is better."

The other goes to the brothel, comes back and says: "You are right!"

 

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Relationships

An inmate of the cell, busted for murder, is after 25 years in prison on the run

by Rudolf Faix Thursday, October 29, 2015 9:19 AM

An inmate of the cell, busted for murder, is after 25 years in prison on the run. While he flees, he breaks into the house of a fresh married couple. It binds the husband on the solid chair and the woman on the bed. Then he bent over the woman and it seemed as if he would kiss her neck.

Suddenly, the jailbreaker got up and left the room. Immediately hopped the husband with the chair across the room and whispered to his wife: "Darling! This man hasn't seen a woman since years! I saw how he kissed you in the neck. Just do anything he says. If he wants to have sex with you, then let it happen to you and pretend as if you like it. Whatever you do, don't take him to rage! Our lives depend on it! Be strong! I love you!"

Nachdem die Frau ihren Knebel ausgespuckt hat, flüsterte die Halbnackte: "Schatz, ich bin so froh, dass du so darüber denkst. Du hast recht, er hat seit Jahren keine Frau gesehen. Aber er hat nicht meinen Nacken geküsst, er hat mir ins Ohr geflüstert. Er meint, dass du ziemlich niedlich wärst und er hat mich gefragt, wo ich die Vaseline im Bad aufbewahren würde. Sei stark! Ich liebe dich auch!"

After the woman spat out her gag, she whispered: "Honey, I'm so glad that you think about it. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman since years. But he did not kiss my neck, he whispered in my ear. He thinks you're pretty cute and he asked me where I would keep in the bathroom Vaseline. Be strong! I love you too!"

 

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Men | Relationships

Why are you running out of the operating room?

by Rudolf Faix Thursday, October 29, 2015 9:00 AM

Asks the doctor the patient: "Why are you running out of the operating room?"

Patient: "The sister has said: Do not worry, that's just a simple appendectomy. You are are able to handle it."

Doctor: "And what's wrong with that?"

Patient: "She did not say it to me. She said it to the surgeon ..."

 

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Doctors

An unemployed person is applying as a cleaning man at Microsoft ...

by Rudolf Faix Thursday, October 29, 2015 8:31 AM

An unemployed person is applying as a cleaning man at Microsoft.

The boss invites him for an interview and an aptitude test (wipe the floor).
Finally he tells him: "You're hired. Give me your E-Mail and I will send you a form to the complete and tell you when and where you should register on the first day."
The unemployed, totally desperate, responds that he had no computer and has no email.
The chef tells him that if he has no email, he virtually doesn't exist and cannot get the job.

Desperate, the man goes. He no longer knows what to do and has only 10 US$ in his pocket. He decides to buy in the supermarket a box of 10 kilo tomatoes. He sold the tomatoes in less than 2 hours individually for twice of the price. He repeated this twice and returned with US$ 80 home.

So he recognizes that he could make his life in this manner. Every day he gets up earlier and comes back home, and multiplied his money.

He buys a cart a little bit later, then swap it for a van and a little later against a fleet of vans.
After a few years, the man is the owner of one of the largest vegetable distributors in the United States.

So he's thinking about the future of his family and decides to take out a life insurance policy. He gets a consultant, choose an insurance plan, and when the call is ended, the advisor address requesting the email to send the request to the man.

The man responds to the consultant that he possessed no email.
"Strangely", the counsultant tells him, "You have no email and did it anyway, to build such an empire. Imagine, you were what today, if you have an email!"
The man thought, and replied: "I would be a cleaning guy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

  • Internet does not regulate your life.
  • If you are cleaning guy at Microsoft, email make friends.
  • If you have no E-Mail and work hard, you can become a millionaire.
  • If you got this story by E-Mail you are closer to become to be a cleaning staff than millionaire ...

 

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Job / Company / Office | People

Complains Bill Gates at the psychiatrist ...

by Rudolf Faix Thursday, October 29, 2015 7:41 AM

Complains Bill Gates at the psychiatrist: "Doc, I think that I get slowly paranoid I think all people are hating me."

"Bill, that can not be. It may not even know you each one."

 

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People

The anatomy professor to student ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 4:30 AM

The anatomy professor to student: "What part of the human body expands when energized by eight times?"

She blushes and stammers: "The, the ..."

"False, the pupil!" replied the professor. "And you, dear young lady, I would advise not to go with too high expectations in marriage."

 

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School / University

Shall I bring your lunch to the cabin?

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 4:28 AM

"Shall I bring your lunch to the cabin?" asks the steward the seasick passenger.

"Or should I throw it immediately overboard?"

 

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General

Hans comes satisfied from school ...

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 4:26 AM

Hans comes satisfied from school: "Today we have made explosives!"

"And what are you doing in school tomorrow?"

"Which school?"

 

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Kids | School / University

Two motorcycle riders rush at a desert rally through the sand

by Rudolf Faix Wednesday, October 28, 2015 4:25 AM

Two motorcycle riders, Toni and Gerd, rush at a desert rally through the sand. When they discover a bush along the way, they stop to pee. All of a sudden a snake shoots out and bites Toni in his best piece. Pale it sinks into the sand, Gerd brings the radio rapidly and spark the doctor for help.

The doctor asks: "What color was the Snake?"
Gerd to Toni: "The doctor asks after the color of the serpent!"
Toni moans back: "Black with red patterns."
Gerd Sparks's by the doctor.

The doctor responds: "The Snake is very poisonous!"
Toni asks pressed: "What the doctor said?"
Gerd hesitantly: "The doctor says the Snake is very toxic."
Toni desperate: "Ask him what we can do."

Gerd sparks the question what to do is the doctor.
The doctor: "The bite site opens with the knife a little bit"
Gerd propagates the information and Toni, already quite weak performs the very painful cuts. He is very pale and struggling for air.
Gerd sparks back to the doctor: "What is to do now?"
Doctor: "You must suck now at the bite site!"
Toni gasps: "What the doctor said?"

Gerd slowly: "The doctor says you have to die..."

 

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Sports

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