The American: When our females riding a horse, they can walk with their feet at the same time - but not because the horse would be as small or has short legs. It is because our women have sooo extremely beautiful long legs!

The Frenchman: Nice! If we keep our women around the waist, we can put both thumbs forward and both index fingers together but it is not that we have so long fingers. The reason is that our women have sooo extremely slim waists!

The Italian: That's quite nice! But if we give to our women a pat on the butt before we go to work, the butt is still shaking when we come back from work. But not because of our women have so fat ass, the fact is that we have sooo short working hours!

Sorry kids, but after a serious accident Christmas needs to get canceled:

Shortly before the start of the hurricane season in 1998 the famous American televangelist Pat Robertson called the citizens and rulers of the city Orlando in Florida, not to support this year's gay festival "Gay Days" because these immoral gays are seducing innocent people. God would outright asked to haunt the city with hurricanes and tornadoes.

Ironically, the first hurricane of the year devastated the headquarter of the preacher in Virginia Beach.

A special group of Christians has tried to enter in the truest sense of the word in the footsteps of the founder of their religion. Day by day the group, based in Los Angeles, undertook ever greater efforts to emulate her idol, by trying to learn the art of "walking on water". Christians have continued their unorthodox practices until their leader one day unexpectedly died during training in his bathtub.

His wife testified that her husband had spent many hours perfecting his running technique, without however so far have mastered the task. Obviously, he drowned after he slipped on a bar of soap.

Genesis

God created the donkey and said to him: "You are a donkey. You will constantly work from morning till night and wearing heavy things on your back. You will eat grass and be a little intelligent. You will live 50 years."
The donkey replied: "To live 50 years is much too much, give me please not more than 30 years."
And so it was.

Then God created the dog and said to him: "You're a dog. You wake on the goods of humanity, whose truly friend you will be. You will eat, what the humans are leaving for you and you'll live for 25 years."
The dog replied: "God, for living this way are 25 years is too much. Please not more than ten years."
And so it was.

Then God created the monkey and said: "You're a monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree and you act like an idiot. You're supposed to be funny, and you're supposed to live for 20 years."
The monkey said: "God, 20 years as a clown of the world to live, is too much. Please give me not more than ten years."
And so it was.

Finally, God created the man and said to him: "You're a man, the only rational creature, which will inhabit the Earth. You'll use your intelligence to make friends with the other creatures. You will dominate the Earth and live for 20 years."
The man said: "God, be Man for only 20 years is not enough. Please give me the 20 years that beaten out from the donkey, the 15 from the and the ten from the monkey."

And so, God made sure that the man lives 20 years as a man lives, marry and works for 20 years as a donkey from morning till night, and carries heavy loads. Then he will have children and live for 15 years as a dog, guarding the House and eat, which leaves the family. Then, in his old age, he lives ten years as a monkey, behaves like an idiot and amuses his grandchildren.
And so it is...