A cowboy (in his capacity ventriloquist) meets a lonely Indian with a dog, a horse and a sheep.
Cowboy: "May I speak with your dog?"
Indian: "Dog cannot talk."

Cowboy: "Hey, old dog, how are you doing?"
Dog: "Oh, I'm fine, my master treats me well, feeds me, goes with me out twice a day ..."
The Indian looked quite surprised.

Cowboy: "Oh, let me talk with your horse?"
Indian: "Horse can not talk."

Cowboy: "Hey, old horse, how are you doing?"
Horse: "Oh, I'm feeling super. My master treated me well, rubbing me dry, feeds me ...!"

The Indian is even more surprised.

Cowboy: "Can I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep is lying ..."

A monk and a nun ride a camel through the desert. Suddenly the animal collapses dead.

After several days of monk and nun are close to death.

The monk said: "Sister, I die soon But first I'd like to see how a naked woman looks like. Would you do me a favor?"
The nun is doing it and undresses.

Then she saíd: "Brother, it occurs to me too. I have never seen a naked man. Please do me a favor?"
The monk takes off also.

As the nun says: "What have you there between your legs?"
The Monk: "That gave me the Lord. If I put into it in you, it will created new life."

Says the nun: "Then plug into the camel and let us continue our ride ..."

What says a blonde who drove her car into a tree?

"But I have honked!"

A blonde is pregnant the second time.

She asks her husband: "Do I need to get married with you again???"

Two blondes are facing a Mercedes convertible.

One tries to open the lock with a hairpin, because she has forgotten the keys inside the car.

Says the other: "Hurry up, it starts to rain and the roof is still open."

A brief political training ...

The little son goes to his father and asks him if he could explain to him what politics is.

The father says: Of course, I can tell you that. Take, for example or our family. I bring the money home, so let's call me the capitalism. Your mother manages the money, so let's call her the government. We both almost take exclusively care to your health, so you and your little broter are the folk. Our maid is the working class and your little brother, who is still in diapers, is the future. Did you understand that?"

The little son is not sure and want to get some sleep over it. At night he wakes up, because his younger brother has made to the diapers and screams. He gets up and knocks on the parents bedroom, but his mother is in deep sleep and does not wake up. So he goes to the maid and finds his father in bed with her. But the two do not interfere by his repeated knocking. So he goes back to bed and continues sleeping.

In the morning the father asks him if he knows what politics would be and if he can explain it in his own words.

The son replied: "Yes, now I know the capitalism abused the working class while the government is asleep, the folk will get totally ignored and the future is full of shit..!"

To all employees

Notes to the employment contract (administrative leave in certain cases)

• Disease
  Disease is not an excuse. A certificate from a doctor is not evidence. If you were able to see the doctor, you could also come to work.
  
  
• Death in the family
  Will not apologized. For the deceased, you cannot do anything anyway and someone else might as well take the necessary measures. If you place the burial in the late afternoon, we can give you half an hour earlier free - but only if you have completed your work.
  
  
• Private fatality
  You can count on our understanding, if you
1. Let us know at least two weeks in advance of your death, so that we can set a spare power in time.
2. Call no later than 8:00 clock, so that we can take appropriate action.
3. Your and submit the signature of the attending physician that you are dead and that from a medical perspective your work force could not be obtained any longer. In the absence of the two signatures, the absences will be fully deducted from annual leave.
   
   
• Surgical procedures
  Surgery to our labor are prohibited. We have set as you are. The removal or alteration of a part of you is contrary to the agreed contract.
  
  
• Silver or golden wedding
  For such occasions, no exemption can be granted. If you are married 25 or 50 years with the same person, you should be glad if you can go to work.
  
  
• Birthdays
  That you were born is certainly not your merit. Therefore, we see no reason to you to grant an exemption in such cases.
  
  
• Birth of a child
  For such missteps of our employees, is of course no administrative leave provided. You had your fun already.

Somebody in the hospital. Next to him a man who moans and groans, as if he will not make it much longer.

When the nurse comes, he ask her: "Please tell me, can you not put him into the death chamber?"

Then the nurse: "What do you mean, where are you here?"

Participants: nurse and a totally nervous doctor.

Doctor: Sister (roars) nurse!!!

Nurse: Yes?

Doctor: Give me times a piece of paper (the doctor scribbles around on it)

Nurse: But sir ....
Doctor: Please do not interrupt me ...

Nurse: Yes, but sir ....
Doctor: Please do not interrupt me ...

Sister: But sir, you are writing with the thermometer.

Doc: Then you go and look in which ass you'll find my pen!

Patient: "I suffer from insomnia!"

Doctor: "Aha here I prescribe them a good aphrodisiac.."

Patient: "Hmmm THEREOF should I go to sleep ...?"

Doctor: "No, but staying awake is much more amusing ..."